The Pirate Next Door by Jennifer Ashley (2003)

What's this? I'm updating this blog again? Come now, it's only been three years. Summer means going to the beach. And going to the beach means reading pirate romance novels.

THE PLOT

Alexandra Alastair is a widow looking for a new husband and she's made a list of all the eligible bachelors in Mayfair, including the new guy next door, Grayson Finley. One night Alexandra hears him being threatened through the window so she goes to rescue him. He kisses her and tells her to sleep naked. Alexandra finds out that Grayson was a pirate. He has moved to London to give his daughter Maggie a good life. (The fact that he has a daughter is awesome, because on page three of the book we learned that Alexandra wants someone who is good with kids. She had a miscarriage with her late husband who was a cheating ass and she wants to start a family.) So Alexandra and  Grayson become friendly and flirtatious. So of course, Grayson's rival, a pirate hunter named James Ardmore, has Alexandra kidnapped just so he can stick it to Finley. Grayson rescues her. They bone. Alexandra has a soiree, and pirates attack. Then Ardmore tells Alexandra that he won't kill Finley if she marries him. She agrees to go with him. Grayson finds out and comes after them. There's a fight. This other pirate shows up and cannonballs everyone and Ardmore finds out that all the reasons he hated Finley were actually the fault of this other pirate, who is also a woman. Grayson and Alexandra get married and have a baby. There's also a plot somewhere in there about the French king, and a side romance about Maggie's nursemaid and one of Grayson's crew.

MY TAKE

This was a very typical pirate romance.The plot was actually pretty thin but there's a lot of running about. Nothing stands out about this book, but that's okay because part of the appeal of pirate romance novels is the formula. A book tends to be most enjoyable when it deviates from the formula in a way that highlights the formula, but baseline books like this one are important, too.

THE HERO

Grayson is all right. He falls for Alexandra pretty hard and pretty sincerely. He has a macho pride but isn't a total dick. He has some mommy issues because his father killed his mother when he was a boy. He isn't overly tortured by this past trauma, though, which is nice.

THE HEROINE

Alexandra is also all right. She's concerned with her society life, but not an idiot. At one point Grayson tells her to stay on his ship. He tells his men to get her whatever she needs but not to let her leave. As a result, she sends them on all sorts of ridiculous errands. When Grayson finds out:

Grayson had worked hard to keep from bursting into laughter. He imagined his men running from shop to shop desperately seeking wrinkle cream and garters. He had known that Alexandra, with her independent spirit, would chafe at her confinement, but he had anticipated her trying to climb over the side and attempting to steal a boat and row it by herself. Her choice of how to fight back was delicious. - page 156

Heroines in many other pirate romance novels would (and do!) indeed try to climb over the side of the ship and steal a dinghy. Alexandra's method of rebellion is fresh and fitting of her character.

THE SEX

During the first encounter, Grayson asks for explicit consent!

When he opened his eyes again, she was watching him, red lips parted. 'Lovely lady,' he whispered. "May I taste you?" - page 116

She says yes. Hooray for explicit consent!

The sex scenes are pretty good, but Ashley's euphemisms are weak. She only ever refers to Grayson's penis as "his arousal." And take this sentence:

 He wanted to taste her mouth and her female places and let his tongue drive her to madness once more. - page 157

Her female places? Really?

My biggest qualm here, though, is a huge missed opportunity for a threesome between Alexandra, Grayson, and James Ardmore. After the battle at sea, the three of them are thrown in the water. They get into a life raft and the two men sandwich Alexandra between them to keep her warm:

After a moment, she felt Ardmore behind her. She looked up at Grayson in alarm, but he only shook his head. Then she understood. They would try to warm her between them. Ardmore pressed his torso portectively over her, effectively sandwiching her between the two men. - page 325

Come on, Jennifer Ashley! YOU SET IT UP!! IT'S RIGHT THERE!! Where's the follow through???

THE PIRACY
There isn't a whole lot of piracy - Grayson is putting his pirating days behind him and trying to make good with the Admiralty by helping them acquire the deposed French king. But there IS a battle at sea! (Or on the Thames. Whatever.)

MY RATING
Putting through the pirate novel paces: 5/5
Female places: 3/5
MMF threeways: 0/5
Overall: 3/5